The City Of Ovum Whale and The Insecure Ninja (Chapter 4)

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The City Of Ovum Whale

The Insecure Ninja lives in The City Of Ovum Whale. Ovum Whale has a rich history, in the sense that the rich wrote the history and screwed over the poor. The rich also wrote their own economics, politics, even their own bread recipes (though that was more of a hobby).

That is why there is a bar made of pure gold placed horizontally in the middle of town square two inches above the ground called The Poverty Line (and to add to the insult a lot of the poor have tripped on it). It is also why the history books say that the rich fought off an army of zombies called The Undead Army to protect the poor.

The truth, however, is that the rich were responsible for the very existence of these zombies. These zombies were in fact a recipe of Baguettes gone horribly wrong.  This information is only known to the rich and in another city, located to the south of Ovum Whale.

This southern town lied on the bank of a sea which held a rather handsome population of Sperm Whales. A liquid waxy substance called Spermaceti is found on the temple of a sperm whale. This substance is often greedily retrieved by humans to be used as a lubricant for various industrial (and non-industrial) purposes.

The residents of this southern town could be generalised as lovers of puns and generally lacking in creativity. It was this lack of creativity which played a big part in the city being named ‘Sperm Whale’. The Runner up was ‘Spermicity‘. The Sea was named ‘Sea Men’. These people could not, however, be generalised as psycho whale murderers. Consequently, they could be generalised as ‘dry doggers’.

When the people of The City of Sperm Whale asked the Sperm Whales nicely to surrender their sperm, they only met with disappointment and an unlubricated lifestyle. That was the end of that.

A few years later, a boat full of European pilgrims, looking for India (and validation) made land at The City of Sperm Whale. It seemed like the perfect fit for them as they were too, abnormally interested in puns and lacking creativity.  The singular difference being they could be generalised as psycho whale killers (and also psycho people killers).

The pilgrims started incessant Sperm Whaling, and also people-ing. They wiped out nearly the entire population of the native inhabitants of The City Of Sperm Whale. It was a grim affair, but is now, (a few hundred years later), celebrated (and called Whalecomegiving) up north in City Of Ovum Whale.

Things weren’t all sunshine and lubrication forever for The Pilgrims either. The Pilgrim lifestyle did not agree with living in a place where people called themselves Lubricators, and ‘Honey, I’m going to get us some sperm and sell it to the nun’ was not only a household sentence but was repaid with gratitude and a sweet peck on the lips. The city was also being billed as ‘The City Of Lubrication’ by neighborhood settlements. All this rubbed them the wrong (though lubricated) way.

The Europeans also didn’t like the sound of the word ‘spermaceti’ which their families back in Europe took as an outrageously unholy variation of an Italian recipe.

The Pilgrims finally cut ties with The City Of Sperm Whale and settled on the banks of the same sea but up north. The sea which was named Sea Men by the pun loving natives of The City Of Sperm Whale was renamed to Men Sea. It was only after every single pilgrim had chipped in with his own lack of creativity, did they zero in on the name ‘Ovum Whale’.

Attack of The Undead Army

A few times in its history, The City Of Ovum Whale was at war with The Undead Army.

The Undead Army is an army of zombies who just like to wreck shit. They chose Latin as their language of operation because it is a dead language and that suited them pallet-wise.

That was until The Undead Army came up with their own language, Maggot Tongue. They did, however, decide to keep their Latin motto ‘Mortuum Lingua’.

The Undead Army used to call itself ‘The Blood Spillers’, but because of a translational gap between Maggot Tongue and English, it translated to the ‘The Blood Flowers’ in English.

[Note: Flower here doesn’t refer to a plant’s reproductive structure, but the noun form of the verb ‘flow’)

The Undead Army declared war on the City of Ovum Whale .The citizens who had found pride in calling themselves ‘ovums’ (and not ova), were being killed as blood ‘flowed’ at regular time intervals and ovums died. The whole episode made for a rather unfortunate analogy, something that wasn’t helped by the fact that it all took place on the edge of Men Seas.

It was only thanks to The Insecure Ninja that the situation was neutralized, but that’s a story for another URL.

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